Authenticity – HEAL MY VOICE

Grief Transformation: Letting Go of Our Identities, Part 1

By Andrea Hylen

“To let go of duality, we must first establish our separateness. We must first learn where we end & the other begins. As a general rule, if we’re too rigid, we’re over-boundaried. Imprisoned behind a wall of armor, there is no way for anything to touch us. But if we’re too malleable, we’re boundary-less. We’re just a vessel for the world to fill. People with healthy boundaries tend to live somewhere in between.”~Jeff Brown author of SoulShaping.

Four years after the death of my husband I spent a year letting go of the physical stuff in our 11 room house on 3 acres in Baltimore, Maryland and put the house on the market for sale. A year later, I moved from Maryland to California to spend another year peeling away a layer of “costumes,” that consisted of identities I had hidden behind throughout my lifetime. Identities that I felt gave me value and defined my existence on the planet. Daughter, wife, mother, entrepreneur, home owner, Girl Scout Leader, community organizer and many more. Without those identities, I wondered, “Who am I?”

When I arrived in California, I wrote a letter to family and friends to let them know I would not be available by phone. Email and Facebook check-ins, yes. No phone calls. I was going to take time to listen to my own voice and figure out what I wanted to do with the next part of my life. I began to examine all of my past actions with a microscope and a telescope. Focusing in on the little, minute details and stepping back and looking at my life from a big picture perspective, too. I spent more time in solitude patiently waiting, noticing and listening. I learned to sit in the discomfort of not knowing the next steps. I re-connected with myself and my feelings and developed compassion for my process with full approval for crying, feeling angry, sad, and increased joy-filled discoveries of happiness. I began to hear my own voice as separate from the voices of my mother, father, children, siblings and friends. I spent less time reassuring people that I still loved them and defined boundaries that created more space to be myself.

I thought it would take me a month to hear my voice. Instead it took ten months until the separation from my dearest friends and family gave me enough spaciousness to distinguish my inner authority, my voice from the voice of others. I began to learn the difference between the messy ego-based fear and the light-filled wisdom of my higher voice. And in the place of silence in between, I could see more of me and I could see more of you.

One important piece of letting go was to release and grieve. For example, to let myself cry about no longer being a Girl Scout leader. To remember the joy of it, feel the loss of not having that as part of my life and feeling the emptiness without trying to fill it up with anything. Leave it empty and wait for the new to appear.

By letting go and releasing, my step by step soul calling is stronger. The connection to my inner voice is stronger. The need to know all of the answers is lessening. The Self-Love is stronger. I can witness your pain without feeling the need to fix, reassure and change anything in this moment. The witnessing of another without fixing is stronger.

This is the path of living life from inspiration, transforming loss and grief to access the depth of our essence. It is the path to living and experiencing life fully.

Interested in exploring loss and change in a deep 9 month process of writing? Andrea and Beth Terrence are leading a writing program for Transforming Grief: https://cssitemove.com/recovering-voices-healing-grief/

Andrea Hylen believes in the power of our voices to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, an organization that empowers women and men to heal a story, reclaim personal power and step into greater leadership. Andrea discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. In addition to serving as Heal My Voice’s Executive Director, Andrea is an Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and Sexuality Coach.

She is currently living out of a suitcase following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

A Gift: Wisdom I learned from my mother

By Andrea Hylen

As I was clearing my email inbox this week, I found a series of FaceBook posts that were written by my daughter, Elizabeth in 2011. For 7 days leading up to my 55th Birthday, she posted a wisdom each day that she had learned from me during her life. At the time, she was 26 years old.

From Elizabeth:

“In honor of my mamas B’day on (Oct 8), I am going to get on facebook every day this week (this is love we are talking about here), and write one of the many wisdom’s that I have learned from her.

Wisdom #1: Celebrate everything. Winning a game of bingo, the first day of fall, or your favorite song coming on the radio. Celebrate it.

Wisdom #2: If you have, give.

Wisdom #3: Laugh at yourself. You are very funny.

Wisdom #4: We are all artists, and we create our own reality. ….”If you build it…” (I am sorry mom, it is too corny, I can’t say the whole line).

From Andrea: “If you build it, they will come…”

Wisdom #5: Some people are raised with the bible, not me. I was raised with the musical. Know your musicals and be ready to rely on them when times get tough.

Wisdom #6: Community is everything. Create one, contribute to one, and rely on one.

Wisdom # 7: Explore and be amazed. Whether you are traveling in your car, through a book, or to the depths of your heart, explore and be amazed. Happy Day of birth Mom (Andrea Hylen)

(Sorry I posted Wisdom #7 two days late, Mom. I was off exploring and being amazed and my phone died).

Share your “impact” stories in the comments. We love to hear your voice!

Andrea Hylen believes in the power of a woman’s voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, a Minister of Spiritual Peacemaking, a Writing and Transition Coach and Orgasmic Meditation teacher. Andrea has discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to live life fully after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. She is currently living out of a suitcase following her intuition as she collaborates with women and men in organizations and travels around the world speaking, teaching and leading workshops. Her passion is authentically living life and supporting others in doing the same. To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com and www.healmyvoice.org.

Writing: Finding the Rhythm of Your Voice

By Andrea Hylen, Founder of Heal My Voice

The first time I endeavored to write a short, personal story about my life was for the anthology book of stories by women called, “Conscious Choices: An Evolutionary Woman’s Guide to Life. Even though I had been a journal writer for 20+ years and had participated in book circles with women, I found myself stuck in comparing my writing to others with feelings of being vulnerable and exposed and not good enough to publish my words.

I was stuck in not knowing which story to write, what style to write it in and how to get started.

One day I was driving to New York City to have a short overnight visit with my daughter Mary. It was a three and a half hour drive in the pouring down rain with plenty of alone time in the car. I decided to listen to a book on tape. I had just stopped by the library and picked up an audio copy of Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. As I listened to her voice and her words for hours, I felt her words so deeply in my heart and soul. She is a professional writer who writes with authenticity about her life and feelings.

Something surprising began to happen as I listened and felt her story. Instead of comparing my writing to hers, I was inspired to tell my own life stories. I was inspired to write from my heart; my way with my voice. I thought to myself, that’s her voice. I want to write from my voice with feelings and passion and connection to my own stories.

Listening to the book on tape inspired me to speak and write and learn how to tell my own stories. I encourage you today to read and listen to stories by other people. Instead of being intimidated by someone’s unique expression, allow them to help you open the door to yours.

Reading the words written by someone else is like listening to music. Open your heart and feel. Let your voice emerge from your soul and find the rhythm of your voice.

I did write my story by climbing into bed with my laptop every night for three weeks and letting the words and the feelings and emotions pour through me. I mentored 44 women to write their stories in the book Conscious Choices. I helped the women find the rhythm of their voices and let go of some formulaic way of writing. Three years later, I became the founder of Heal My Voice. In the first five Heal My Voice books, there are now over 100 vulnerable, powerful, authentic, personal stories and poems written by women who found the rhythm of their voice. We have created a symphony of voices.

Your Voice Matters. Find the rhythm of your voice and write your stories today.

To connect with Andrea and learn about current projects go to: www.andreahylen.com

Andrea Hylen believes in the power of a woman’s voice to usher in a new world. She is the founder of Heal My Voice, a Writing and Transition Coach, Orgasmic Meditation Teacher and co- author of Conscious Choices: An Evolutionary Woman’s Guide to Life. Andrea has discovered her unique gifts while parenting three daughters and learning to celebrate life after the deaths of her brother, son and husband. She currently lives in Los Angeles following the inspiration to collaborate with women in organizations and to travel around the world speaking and leading workshops. Her passion is connecting women to support each other in the full expression of who they are.

Creating Connection With Ceremony And Ritual

By Beth Terrence, Heal My Voice Author, Facilitator And Board Member

One of the greatest diseases of our times is the sense of disconnection that is felt with ourselves, others and the world. By bringing ceremony and ritual into our daily lives, we can begin to reconnect to the sacredness and beauty of life. It can be a way to rediscover ourselves, to align with our soul purpose and to deepen our sense of connection with all things. In many ways, we can view our writing as a ritual and we can also incorporate ceremony and ritual in our lives in a way that supports our writing.

Many people come from backgrounds where ceremony and ritual was some part of a religious upbringing. For some, that is something that is continued on special occasions , during religious services or maybe even in daily life. For others, it is something that may have been abandoned as life progressed in new ways. For some, it may not have been part of growing up at all. Writing is a way we can reconnect with ourselves, too. By being intentional, we can use our writing as a form of ceremony and ritual or we can also create ceremony or ritual to support our process of writing.

In our Heal My Voice programs, we take time to honor our choices and transitions. We suggest using ceremony and ritual in a variety of ways to enhance writing and life. We encourage participants to create ceremony and ritual to support their process of healing and transformation, to celebrate their stories as they are emerging and ultimately upon completion. Although most Heal My Voice circles are a virtual experience, it is clear that during this time we enter into sacred space and upon completion we emerge back into the world “a new woman”.

Using ceremony and ritual is a way to honor and acknowledge the changes and transitions that we all experience in life.

Some of the ways that ceremony and ritual can support us include:

Paying tribute to important life events and honoring our transitions
Being in harmony with the seasons and rhythms of nature
Creating sacredness in our lives
Honoring our ancient traditions or creating new ones
Releasing attachments to energies, relationships and situations, which are no longer serve us
Calling in energies and intentions we wish to bring forward
Evoking an ecstatic state of being and connecting at a soul level
Helping to heal our fundamental spiritual wound – the illusion of separateness from creation
Supporting specific healing for ourselves, others and the world
Aligning our energy with the present moment
Helping us to be more fully conscious and awake
Gaining clarity and understanding our experiences
Accessing spiritual guidance and wisdom

Ceremony can be something we do individually, with others or in community. However we choose to create it, ceremony is a way to step out of the busyness of our lives and the world of linear time into sacred space where deeper understanding, healing and wisdom resides. Ceremony, in and of itself, is a paradigm shift. It can help us to focus on our visions and intentions and begin to draw them into the world of matter, allowing them to become manifest.

Rituals are specific rites or tools we use as part of ceremony. They can also be used to create sacredness in any moment. Many shamans begin the day by honoring the directions and connecting with the elements of nature. Many people begin their day with meditation or prayer of some kind. Whatever it is, beginning the day with some type of ritual or spiritual practice is a powerful way to move consciously into your daily life. Some ways to create ritual include:

Lighting a candle
Setting an intention
Burning sage or other healing herbs such as sweet grass, yerba santé or cedar
Setting up an altar and arranging spiritually meaningful articles or pictures on it
Drumming, rattling, chanting, singing or listening to music or sounds of nature
Reciting prayers silently or aloud or reading from a sacred text
Cultivating a meditation practice
Being in silence and honoring the sacredness that comes from that space

As a practicing shaman and healer, ceremony and ritual is a core practice for me. It is not based on any one religion or tradition but on generating a strong connection with spirit, receiving guidance and living in an intentional way. Whether you choose to practice ceremony and ritual with others or on your own, it is important to create practices that support you in the present moment. Here are some questions to consider in creating a ceremony or ritual practice:

What is your intention? What is the reason for the ceremony or ritual?
Will it be personal, with another person or group?
What elements or tools need to be gathered? What preparation needs to happen?
What will the structure of the ceremony or ritual be? Who will perform it? Where will it be done?
Are there any prayers, readings, songs, poems, and dances, etc. that you wish to include?
How will you open and close the ceremony?

Ceremony and ritual can be a beneficial part of daily spiritual practice. It can help to align our energies in the present moment and to bring increased harmony to our lives. Take some time this week to consider what you would like to create in your life and how ceremony and ritual may support that process. Explore whether there is some ceremony or ritual that might support your writing process, too. Whether it is creating a ceremony with a specific intention or incorporating a ritual into your daily life, notice how this experience invokes a deeper sense of connection with yourself, others and the world.

Many Blessings,

Beth

Beth Terrence is a Shaman, Holistic Health & Wellness Expert, Speaker and Writer. She has been working in the field of Holistic Healing and Transformation for over 18 years. This path evolved from her own healing journey through fibromyalgia and the impact of trauma on her life. Beth found that by taking a holistic approach to life and well-being, she was able to achieve of a state of happiness and wholeness that she never imagined was possible. Her mission is to support others in cultivating a heart-centered, balanced and joyful life through discovering the healer within.

Writing has always been one of Beth’s greatest passions. Since childhood, she has written poetry and kept a journal. Participating in a Heal My Voice project opened the door to Beth stepping forward in the world as a writer. Her stories are featured in Inspired Voices: True Stories of Visionary Women and Harmonic Voices: True Stories Of Women On The Path To Peace. Beth joined the Heal My Voice board of directors in May 2013. Additionally, she is the lead facilitator and program developer for a Heal My Voice program that brings writing and creativity to women in addiction recovery at Chrysalis House in Crownsville, MD.

Beth is available for Integrative Transformational Healing Sessions & Programs by Phone/Skype or in person in Annapolis, MD. She offers a variety of classes, workshops and trainings on Holistic Healing, Transformation, Writing and Creativity in the MD/DC/VA area and virtually. Beth also writes regularly on her own blog, The Heart Of Awakening: Searching For A New Paradigm, an online resource for transformation and healing. To learn more about Beth’s Integrative Transformational Healing Services, visit http://www.bethterrence.com.

Beth’s Take A Break Summer Special Offer:

20% Off All Sessions By Phone/Skype Or In Person In Annapolis, MD Thru July 31st…

Integrative Healing Sessions may include Shamanic Healing, Bach Flower Remedies, Zero Balancing, Body/Energy Therapies, Meditation, Holistic Self-Care and other holistic resources to support transformation and healing on all levels – body, mind, emotion and spirit.

Learn more about Beth’s Take A Break Summer Special Offer and Integrative Transformational Healing Services in July’s Discover The Healer Within E-News…

Where To Connect With Beth:

Website: www.bethterrence.com

Blog: http://theheartofawakening.wordpress.com

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/bethterrence

Twitter: @BethTerrence

Contact: beth@bethterrence.com

Finding Our Voice, Living Our Heart

By Beth Terrence ~ Heal My Voice Author, Facilitator & Board Member

Being vulnerable doesn’t have to be threatening. Just have the courage to be sincere, open and honest. This opens the door to deeper communication all around. It creates self-empowerment and the kind of connections with others we all want in life. Speaking from the heart frees us from the secrets that burden us. These secrets are what make us sick or fearful. Speaking truth helps you get clarity on your real heart directives.” – Sara Paddison, The Hidden Power of the Heart

It took me until my early thirties to really accept that in order to live a life of authenticity and truth I needed to make a paradigm shift. This shift was based on moving the guiding force in my life from the mind to the heart. I’ve been blessed to have many teachers along the way who have shared their heart wisdom and who have helped me to find the courage and strength to access my own vulnerability.

I grew up in a world where “everything was okay”, all the time. Even when things were really not okay, when they were chaotic and at times, insane, the messages I received were that we didn’t talk about that, we just said, “I’m fine, everything is okay.” Needless to say, it was very confusing and it didn’t take long for me to have the awareness that what people share with the world and what is really going on in the their lives, let alone inside themselves, is vastly different.

The “I’m fine, everything is okay” was my paradigm for a long time. Even as I began to do some deeper work, to explore my inner landscape, and to access my emotions, there was still a part of me who held onto to that pattern. In fact, at times, it still emerges today. I believe this pattern is inherent for many of us and is one of the great obstacles to shifting into the new paradigm.

I see this on both the personal and collective levels. As individuals, when we say, “I am fine, everything is okay,” and it is not what we are feeling, we are denying a part of ourselves and we are denying our own truth. We are also putting a wall around our heart that is then forced to hold in and suppress what our true experience is at that time.

On a larger scale, we all see and experience things in the world that are not okay. And, we do focus on those things and address them in a variety of ways. I wonder what things could look like if we all really spoke up about our true feelings about what goes on in our world. Most often, it is anger that is the driving force to speak up and/or take action. But if we were to go into the depths of our heart, what would we share about our world and what might we feel that really needs to be spoken?

One of the tools I have found that supports this opening is the process of Council, which is based on traditional talking circles used by many indigenous peoples. When we come together in a council or circle, our intention is to share our hearts and our truth, tuning into what is arising in the present moment. A talking piece is used to indicate that whoever is holding the piece is the only speaker at that time and the others circle members are listening until it is their turn to have the piece.

The council process can support communication, self-awareness, collective wisdom, relationship, community building, and peacemaking. Council is one of the tools we utilize as part of the Heal My Voice Chrysalis House Program and it’s principles are inherent in the structure of all of the Heal My Voice projects.

Although Council is usually done in a group, the principles of Council are a powerful tool that can be used in creating a shift into the new paradigm and particularly in breaking the old pattern of “I’m fine, everything is okay”. It is way to step out of the mind and into the space of the heart to access our deeper feelings and allow truth to emerge in a space of safety, respect and acceptance, both with ourselves and others.

Here are some of the basic principles of Council, which can be used to support a group process or as a foundation for living daily life in a more authentic and conscious way:

1) Listen from the heart. Take a few moments to drop down from the head into the heart space. Whether you are in circle listening to others, or tuning into your own heart wisdom, listen with openness, knowing there is no need to give advice or feedback. We often feel that we must have answers for other people and really what we need is to be heard and to have our heart sharing witnessed. So much healing comes from the place of listening and sharing. As we listen from a heart-centered place, we are being more fully present and allowing our own vulnerability to emerge. Also, where we really need to begin this shift is in listening to our own hearts and being willing to hear our own true feelings without trying to suppress, resolve or fix them.

2) Speak from the heart. Take a few moments to be still, to drop from your head into your heart and allow what is true for you in that moment to be arise. This may be something you need to practice with yourself as well as others. Before we are able to become vulnerable with others, it is necessary to be willing to be vulnerable and truly honest with ourselves. Speaking does not have to mean words; it can include sound, song, and even silence. In Council, the intention is to speak what will serve you, the circle and the highest good. This is a great way to think about what we need to communicate.

3) Be lean. Focus on what is important and what is really at the heart of the matter. We often have many thoughts circling round and round in our minds but when we drop into the heart space, it takes few words to express what we feel and what is important. This practice fosters clarity and understanding.

4) Be spontaneous. When you allow yourself to drop into the heart space, you may be surprised by what arises. We often think we are going to talk about one thing and then when we allow ourselves to move below the surface, something very different emerges. Allowing ourselves to be spontaneous and let go of agenda allows for playfulness, real-ness and our true voice to emerge.

One thing I would like to add to this list is patience. Shifting into a heart-centered way of being is a process. The heart moves much slower than the mind. As the energies of our world are moving faster and faster, the need to slow down and drop into this heart space is even greater. I encourage you to take some time to explore your heart, to access your vulnerability and to allow your deeper truth to emerge.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, feelings and reflections.

And, if you are ready to explore this more deeply, I invite you to join me for Love Yourself, Live Your Life Summer Breakthrough Teleclass Program starting 7/22. Learn more…

Beth Terrence is a Shaman, Holistic Health & Wellness Expert, Speaker and Writer. She has been working in the field of Holistic Healing and Transformation for over 18 years. This path evolved from her own healing journey through fibromyalgia and the impact of trauma on her life. Beth found that by taking a holistic approach to life and well-being, she was able to achieve of a state of happiness and wholeness that she never imagined was possible. Her mission is to support others in cultivating a heart-centered, balanced and joyful life through discovering the healer within.

Where To Connect With Beth:

Website: www.bethterrence.com

Blog: http://theheartofawakening.wordpress.com

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/bethterrence

Twitter: @BethTerrence

Contact: beth@bethterrence.com